A Journaling Exercise to Face Your Scariest Thoughts with Clarity and Ease
As I’ve shared before, dealing with anxiety remains one of my biggest lessons in life. I have spend years of my life navigating panic attacks. I would just walk around the city I lived in at the time in a haze, trying to get out of my own body because it was such a terrifying place to be.
Today it is still something I am learning to cope with, but it has luckily gotten a lot better.
If you’re struggling with anxiety, I know all about how isolating and paralyzing it can feel.
One of the hardest parts for me—and maybe you can relate—always has been how anxiety could sometimes feel like I was drowning in it. I found myself scared that I’ll get trapped inside the story and make it worse by focusing on it, trying to solve it..
This journaling practice has helped me immensely, so today I thought I’d write out the steps for you guys. The structure gives me the ground I need in the moments when I am all tangled up in my fearful mind and it brings me the safety to open up the story in my head and figure out how I want to move forward. I hope it might offer you some relief too.
Step 1: Preparation (1min)
To do this exercise, you don’t need anything special. HELL, write it on a tissue if you have to! These kind of practices should feel as accessible as taking a deep breathe, because they can be a lifeline at times.
If you have the time and space, it is always very helpful to make sure you won’t get disturbed. Tell your partner of family member to leave you be for at least 30 minutes. Get a pen and a notebook. Make yourself comfortable—perhaps with a cup of tea—and open to a blank page.
Step 2: Understanding the specific situation
I often think of anxious thoughts as the monster we fear is hiding in the closet. But when we finally open the door and let in the light, we realize there was no monster at all—just a scared little being whose shadow made it seem far more threatening.
Journaling creates a safe space to open that closet, to truly see and understand what’s inside, without getting lost in fear. I hope this practice will be as helpful for you as it has been for me.
Question 1: What’s the detailed story I tell myself, and what am I scared of?
Start by writing down exactly what is happening in your mind. Anxiety often remains an incomplete unspoken narrative, because it feels so scary to look at. So the first thing to do, is to shed the light and uncover the story that is there.
Give it space by completing this sentence:
“The thing I am scared of is… and then… and then…”
What I wrote before: The thing I am scared of is that I will get into a fight with my partner, and then I would feel very anxious, and then we would disconnect more and more, and then we would split up, and then I would feel alone.
Note: The first part is often the story that keeps repeating in our minds. Yet, oftentimes, this is just a situation, and what we are actually scared of is what that situation could lead to. This is the monster in the closet—the terrifying thing that feels so scary to shed light on.
Question 2: What is the reality of things?
Bring in the facts—what do you know to be true?
Anxiety comes from a very primal part of our mind, which is programmed for survival. It often presents a version of the potential future that is exaggerated and unlikely to happen, as a way to prepare for the slight possibility of it occurring—as if by thinking it over enough times, we can prepare ourselves and avoid feeling surprised.
What I wrote before:
We actually haven’t had a fight that escalated into a breakup before, and currently, we’re not even in a fight—I’m just nervous about it happening, because I tend to get nervous around disagreements.
Yet something else I know to be true is that every time I have experienced a breakup, I have always come out happier and stronger. Eventually, it has always felt like it was for the better.
Question 3: Even though there’s a 0.1% chance of this happening, what would I do in the worst-case scenario?
This step helps shift the focus from fear to action. Consider what you would do if your worst fear came true.
In anxiety, we often tend to run away from the core of our fear. But when we shed light on it and actually consider what we would do if it were to happen, we can feel safer knowing that even in the WORST (and often unlikely) scenario, we have a way to be okay.
What I wrote before: If I broke up with my boyfriend, I would take time to process it, reach out to friends for support, and allow myself to heal. I would establish stability in my routine and give myself the space to grieve. Then, I would reevaluate where I am in life and consider whether I want to make any changes, knowing that my path is now moving in a different direction than I had expected. I know that I would be okay—just like I always have been before.
Question 4: How do I feel when I believe these thoughts?
This is a question coming from The Work of Byron Katie (I highly recommend looking into it!!). How are you feeling when you are occupying your mind with these thoughts? How does your body respond?
What I wrote before: When I believe these thoughts I feel very nervous, almost unable to breathe. I feel scared and ungrounded.
Question 5: Who would I be without these thoughts?
Another question from The Work of Byron Katie. What would happen if you would not have any of these thoughts and you go about your day today without them?
This one is helpful because we step out of the story for a moment. What if I wouldn’t live my life wrapped up in these thoughts? Who would I be? What would I do? How would I feel?
What I wrote before: If I didn’t believe these thoughts I would simply enjoy my day today, go to the gym, and just have fun having the day for myself.
The resistance coming up; as it does.
During our holistic therapy, we always dive into identity work, where we’re viewing different beliefs we have as different parts of ourselves. Here we clarify the Wounded Child, the Empowered Adult and the Resistance.
The Wounded Child brings an unhelpful story, emotions and coping mechanism which is no longer working for us, but comes up because this is what we have been taught once in our life in order to be safe. The Empowered Adult is the one which is wise and has a deeper understanding of how the Wounded Child operates, so it now knows how to best take care of this inner child and respond in a way which is most nourishing and helpful. The resistance is the part of us which is trying to keep us safe by keeping us in the familiar. This can happen either by having resistance towards the Wounded Child, which leads to more non acceptance so that we can’t move forward or resistance towards the Empowered Adult in a way that it tries to make us return to old unhelpful habits.
At this point of the exercise, the mind might push back, saying, “But I don’t believe I can let go of these thoughts.” That’s okay. The goal is to continuously bring our fears into the light, reducing their intensity. We take action where we can and practice trust where the likelihood of our fears coming true is minimal.
Now, we can assess: Is the amount of space this fear occupies in my mind proportional to its likelihood? In other words: If the story is very far away from the present situation as it is now, we don’t want to invest so much of our energy into something that is so unlikely to occur soon.
A powerful way to do that, is with the Harrod’s Pivot.
🔗 The Harrod's Pivot: My 1# QUICK tool to cope with anxiety
Note: Before we can truly change our ways, we need to acknowledge and integrate. It comes with a moment of reflecting on this part of us, understanding where it stems from and softening around this part of us that simply has a need that it is trying to fulfill (oftentimes anxiety has a need for safety, as we discussed before).
This practice can be that moment to reflect and start to integrate this part of us.
Part 2: Understanding the Coping Mechanism
Now, we can explore the coping mechanisms the Wounded Child (our anxiety) uses and how they surface in situations like this. What is the deeper story behind them, and what underlying need are they trying to fulfill?
To further explore our emotional response, reflect on these questions:
Question 6: What is the deeper belief beneath this fear?
We already dove into the true fear underneath the fear that we feel anxious about in question 1. Now we’re diving into the beliefs we hold about ourselves, others and our place in this world. What is the belief that you carry that because of is, this story feels more terrifying?
What I wrote before: Underneath my fear of a breakup, I believe that I can do something wrong which will then result in being alone and abandoned.
Question 7: What is the factual version of this belief?
Here we are enquiring of the truth of this belief that we carry, which might not be helpful.
What I wrote before: I am actually allowed to make mistakes, because every human being makes them and we’re here to learn and grow. Every single day, it is likely that I make a mistake and I learn from it. This is just part of living a normal life.
Question 8: What underlying need is present in me?
This one can be a game-changer for us—to truly start softening around the part of us that feels so scared.
Underneath every emotion we experience lies a need we can uncover. As human beings, we have basic needs that we must fulfill in order to feel good. Oftentimes, we try to meet these needs through external circumstances, but ultimately, we can fulfill them within ourselves through the beliefs we hold.
So, what is the need present here?
What I wrote before: I have a need for reassurance and emotional security.
Question 9: What coping mechanism arises in response?
Every thought or belief brings upon an emotion, which therefore brings an action. We have certain more automated coping strategies that we’re using in our lives, to fulfill the needs we have. Oftentimes the unhelpful habits or responses we have are stemming from automated patterns of behavior that we use in order to fulfill the specific need. Uncovering them, makes us understand deeper why we’re behaving in the way we do.
What I wrote down before: I tend to overthink, trying with the anxiety almost to prepare myself for the moment when things will not be as good. I also seek validation from my partner to gain that emotional security.
Question 10: What lesson can I take from this inner reaction?
Here we are turning towards wisdom. What can we learn from knowing the need, the coping mechanism and the beliefs we hold?
What I wrote down before: It is important to self-sooth and remind myself that the anxiety is just my mind trying to protect itself and the response is almost never in alignment with the factual truth of the situation. It is just me making it bigger in my head, to feel more safe.
Question 11: What reminder do I want to give myself?
This question is to enquire how I want to remind myself of the lessons I am learning with this reflecting on the anxiety I experience.
What I wrote down before: I am actually safe and okay right now. It’s just my mind playing tricks on me, trying to make me feel safer by constantly preparing for the worst-case scenario. And even if my relationship status changes, I will be okay.
Part 3: Moving Forward
This last part is about how we can make sure that after this exercise we’re feeling more safe and clear in what we can do to make ourselves feel better and what is the next step we’re going to take right after this practice. It is a way to ground down what we now learned and to move forward.
Question 12: How do I wish to continue from here?
This question is about creating a straightforward plan for our next steps, so we don’t fall back into anxiety after this practice is over but instead feel more grounded with a clear plan to follow.
What I wrote down before: After this exercise I will stand up and put on my running shoes and go for a run in the park. Then I will do some groceries, while listening to the voice memos of some friends I still wanted to respond to.
Question 13: What do I need to release or change this experience?
This question is to enquire more broadly what we need to make sure we don’t fall back in the same anxious story in another moment. Here you can think about ways where you feel more tapped into this Empowered Adult, from a physical, mental or emotional perspective.
What I wrote down before: It is helpful for me to actively implement practices which calm my nervous system, stop coffee for the next days and shift my focus before I am getting back into the loops of overthinking. I will use the Harrod's pivot for this.
Question 14: What will I do to support myself and remind myself of this change?
We are beings of habit, so even with the best of motivation, most of us need some form of reminder to keep ourselves on the right track. What is your way to remind yourself of the changes you want to make?
What I wrote down before: I will set an alarm to do a little meditation twice a day and lay on the bed doing it.
Question 15: How can I ensure I fulfill my underlying need?
Like I wrote before: We are ultimately responsible for fulfilling our own needs. We can ask someone to support us in meeting them, but we can’t expect them to always be that source for us. This question invites you to explore how you can fulfill this underlying need yourself more regularly.
What I wrote before: I will share more with my partner about this process I’m going through and communicate openly with him about my feelings. I will also start doing my morning pages again as a way to cultivate emotional security on a daily basis by checking in with myself.
Final Thoughts
Anxiety can feel overwhelming, but structured journaling helps untangle the chaos. By writing down our fears, acknowledging the reality, and making a straightforward plan on how to move forward, we create a space for self-awareness and emotional enquiry. Over time, these thoughts become less scary as we practice bringing them into the light.
So the next time anxiety arises, grab your journal and give this practice a try. You might just find that the “monster” in the closet was never really there to begin with.
In my holistic therapy practice, I work with many clients who’ve learned to cope with anxiety in ways that aren't always helpful. In case you would like to learn more about the work I do, check it out here.
